Interracial dating discussion questions
A loving and respectful partner knows and respects boundaries.
If that’s you, it is not the job of all other Black people to make you feel good about that choice, to make your partner feel comfortable, to make you feel “woke” as a Black person who is adjacent to whiteness, or to make you feel secure in your Black identity.I see the desire to be included in Blackness alongside undisguised anti-Blackness.I see the backing away from meaningful critique into colorblindness.A white (or non-Black) partner who doesn’t respect those boundaries is an absolute menace because a lot of white people think their Black partner is an automatic invitation to invade and encroach on Black people’s shit, Black people be damned.I’m talking about white people who get too comfortable.So you’re frustrated because you’re interested in dating Black men but you’re constantly having to ask yourself if they’re even attracted to Black women because of how many of them treat white girls like the pinnacle of femininity.
All right, all right, but can I date a white person and still be woke?
Could it be related to internalized anti-Blackness, loneliness, genuinely clicking with someone, growing up in a white neighborhood, currently living in a predominantly white area, or seeing few models of Black love in the media or around me that I could aspire to?
I find that a lot of times people will respond to a conversation about interracial dating by describing themselves as an exception to the idea that the personal is the political—“I can’t help whom I love.” “Black people wouldn’t date me.” “I’m too different from other Black people, and I didn’t want to keep looking.” Seeing these surface-level responses over and over again from multiple people is why this question has become important to me, because something is not being examined that would be interesting (and useful) to examine.
No matter how broad or nuanced a conversation about Black people dating white people is or must be, there is always a radio station, publication, or Facebook commenter who just wants to know how the conversation affects the woke card status of white-partnered Black people.
It’s always on the tip of someone’s tongue––when a Jessie Williams leaves his Black wife for a white girl, or a Serena Williams marries a white dude, or an Unidentified Williams who’s a friend of a friend on Facebook talks about how it feels to repeatedly see Black public figures loving damn near everyone but each other.
The vast majority of Black people do not want to deal with these macroaggressive and racist people, but many of us have fallen prey to them because, lo and behold, they are more than happy to sleep with us.